Another Day with Crohn's Disease

Today is yet another unpleasant day with the horrible Crohn's Disease. I have been dealing with the fury of a very upset stomach for the last 2 hours, sadly ever since I got up. Sure sleeping until almost 1 p.m. may seem like fun, but not when you have been up all night dealing with the same illness. And the 15 or so pills that I am supposed to take for my morning meds, make me vomit, especially without any food on the tum. So I don't take those, and I can't take my Questran powder because it will absorb any OTC meds that I take. Anyhow, I ended up taking one med for stomach spasms (2 of those), 2 immodium (last night I took 4!!!), and 3 doses of paregoric liquid for upset stomach. And now I am still having probs with the gut, but I am also super hungry due to lack of food. I have had almost half a coke all day long. But here is the kicker: if I eat anything, then I have more ammo for the stomach to reject! So I just pretend that I am not hungry and I also pretend that I am NOT in pain. I am not in pain, that is the mantra I repeat over and over again.
It is rather odd, but I think back to the week following the take-down surgery. Glenn and I were in a 3 hour class for foster parenting, I was hurting so freaking much, and Glenn just kept whispering over and over "You are doing great Beth. It's almost over, we are almost done (with this class). You are doing great." And we made it through that day, through that class. And even after all of that, Crohn's was the reason we were denied child placement for foster care.

Anyhow, I know that I need to move on from that, and I have been making strides in that aspect. I have been actively researching universities where I could get my master's degree, preferably in child development. But I still have an internal conflict between living my life VS letting CD live my life. And then I have days and weeks like this one, where CD is behind the driver's wheel, and surviving is all I can do, and I try to deny it, deny that Crohn's exists, and pretend that all will be right with the world. Actually, it is amazing that I am not more crazy than I am. Anywho, have a great day and don't forget to say thanks for good health! Beth