When you think about your life...

When you were younger and dreamed of what your future would hold, did you think it would be like this? I am sure that some of you out there in the land of the world wide web may be able to say yes. I, however, am not one of those folks. Even though I realized early on that plans don't amount to jack in the real world, I still thought my life would be more or less on track with what is written in my day planner. I believe the original game plan was to finish college in a mere four years, enjoy fulfilling work with children with developmental delays, and finally meet and marry my soul mate at the ripe old age of 25ish. Of course, I also imagined that I would not have any student loan debt, nor would my future husband (as that was part of the marriage deal), and I would be married for at least five years before starting a family. Insert laughter sound track here. Well, let's just say that didn't happen. Instead, I fell in love with a man who doesn't even have a category in my day planner. * No, really! * ... And we were married less than 6 months later. Compare this to the original plan to date for at least a year, live together for another year, and then consider marriage. HA!

Another unknown was my health. I guess no child really imagines they will grow up to have a chronic health condition, though I do have the bleeding ulcers I figured into the equation at 11 years old. Also, I lived my whole life with no knowledge of Crohn's disease, even though I began exhibiting symptoms at age 20. Who'd a thunk it? Not me! I figured that I would be able to have happy, healthy children with no worries about possible genetic issues that may pop up. This is another part of my master plan that didn't exactly work out as I had originally thought. After reading a ton of research on Crohn's disease, I realized that I would never have biological children that may have to deal with the pain I've gone through with IBD. Never is an awfully long time, I know. But I really couldn't see having a child just because I could, with the knowledge that I may pass on a disease that has caused me such misery. It seemed to be a selfish need, and I couldn't justify putting another human being through that. You don't have to agree with me, that's fine by me. Just know that this is my decision regarding my life and my body.

I suppose all this really amounts to is this: My life did not go according to my plan whatsoever. However, I have to say that my hubby (who wasn't in any of the demographics I had allocated to Spouse) has made me happier than all the money I will ever spend on school loans. And even though I have a spoiled rotten pound puppy rather than a child, I still have loads of love in my life (with 1/8 of the stress!!!). And I have learned to be more flexible and let happiness come as it may. So just for today, throw away your To Do lists, and be present in the present. Look around and feel what is now, with no worries, no plans, no stress. Just enjoy right now. It doesn't last long!

Beth